November 23rd: Pasta strainers

Do you want to know what pisses me off? Pasta strainers. They're seemingly a simple household tool, used nigh on daily by those of us with carb dependencies and yet are one of the most impractical items to clean. You cannot fill a pasta strainer. It's sole function is to NOT HOLD WATER and so how does one rinse a pasta strainer? I'll tell you.

Firstly, fill your bathtub with boiling water, epsom salt, and bleach. A few drops of tea tree essential oils is also a good trick for getting those stubborn grease stains loose. Turn all the lights in your house on, then off, then on, then off, singing Waltzing Matilda in E Flat and standing on the outer balls of your feet. Grab your cheese grater and just go on and grate some first born straight into the tub, agitating the water all the while. Leave overnight. The oils from the bleach and salt will activate with the lilting tones of Waltzing Matilda in E Flat, cutting the grease from your pasta strainer and allowing you to just wipe away the grime of last nights dinner. If it doesn't come clean as easily as Mulan's makeup, add some more first born and agitate the water more.

This trick works every time and while some of the tools can be tricky to get your hands on (epsom salt can be a real bitch) it's well worth it.

CHEESE GRATERS, on the other hand, are a far worse cleaning foe that we just will NOT get started on.